I spent a lot of time today trying to answer questions like:

Why do you want to get back to being a software developer, again?
Will you be a good fit for a programming bootcamp, putting in 90-100 hours of work per week?
Are you sure you really want to do this? But why?

These were not questions asked of me by an interviewer. These were questions I asked myself. I’ve been struggling with finding purpose and meaningfulness in my life and career over the last few years. I wrote a post a few months ago called Finding What you Love, which detailed my struggle. And as I read it now, I find that this passage jumps out at me:

Meaningful work is something that fills me with joy, makes me look forward to every morning, be it a Monday or a Friday; encompasses my passions, teaches me something new, helps me give back to the people of my community. If I get paid along the way, that would just be an added bonus. For years, I thought this was a tall order. Sometimes, even now, I have a tiny nagging voice in my head that tells me that I’m expecting too much, that meaningful work of this kind is a luxury, attainable only by a few. But I have learned to quell that voice of doubt and convince myself that meaningful work is not a luxury, but an absolute necessity.

I think I can very strongly say now that I’m reaching the end of the journey wrt my struggle for meaningfulness. This is what I’d like to do. This is my Plan A. There is no Plan B. Because I won’t be needing a Plan B. Because my Plan A is going to work. I need it to :)